Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I'm still in Texas. My mom was moved to a regular room yesterday and was told she'd be there for about 3 days and then would be coming home. I'm so ready to be home back to my "normal" life but can't leave mom just yet. Last night, my sister and I left the hospital to eat dinner (hadn't ate since 11:00 that morning as we stayed in the room with her all day until 7:00). Before we even got home, she had left 3 messages on the answering machine at home. She had a panic attack, so we had to drive 45 minutes back to the hospital and reassure her everything was ok. After she finally went to sleep, we snuck out of the room and came home. That was about 1:00 in the morning. Now, as I am typing this letter she just called and wants to know when I'm coming back to the hospital. I haven't showered in 2 days b/c I've been running to the hospital every chance I get to see her, encourage her, etc. People who've had this experience (heart attack, surgery, etc.) say that in the aftermath, depression follows, which is where she's at now, I think. Anyway, my brother in law is getting married this weekend and I'm supposed to sing in it, so I hope I can make it there. The thing is, originally, we drove from MO to Texas for vacation. Then mom had the heart attack, so we stayed longer than planned. Finally my hubby had to go back to work yesterday so he flew back to MO and took the baby with him. So now I'm stuck with having to drive home by myself from Texas back to MO. I'll try to make the 16 hour trip all at once. Travelling with the baby, we had to stop alot and stay the night in a motel. But by myself, I should try to make the trip without many stops. Hopefully mom will get out on tomorrow or Thursday, then I'll drive back home.
I haven't even had a chance to have a really good cry. Isn't that weird? I've put on a brave face for mom. I could see the fear in her eyes as they were taking her to surgery. Just yesterday, she finally got the chance to tell us how scared she was. I wanted to cry then, but couldn't for her. I guess I've been to busy to really think about it, but I can see the 16 hour drive home by myself will be a good time to do all that.
Thanks immensely for your prayers.

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